GUIDE

Our toddler grandson wanders off a minute into every video call. What can we actually do on camera to keep him interested?

By the seenow! teamLast updated:

Stop trying to keep him in front of the screen and give him something to answer: wave, play peekaboo, copy what he does, show him a real object. Ask a parent to carry the phone after him when he moves, and end the call while it is still fun. A few good minutes count as a successful call.

WHY

Why this happens

A toddler on a video call is not being rude. At 1 or 2, he cannot hold a conversation, does not really follow questions like "What did you do today?", and his attention goes wherever his feet go. A face talking on a small screen loses quickly to a toy truck on the floor.

What keeps toddlers in a call is back-and-forth they can take part in. In a Lafayette College study of 60 children ages 1 to 2, published in Developmental Science, toddlers who had a week of live video chats with a partner, but not those who watched pre-recorded videos of the same person, preferred and recognized that person afterward. The researchers found that from about 17 months, children begin to get something out of live video with real people. The live part, an adult who reacts to what the child does, seems to be what matters.

Grandparents tend to figure this out on their own. In AARP Research's 2021 report with Georgetown University researchers, the things grandparents reported doing during video chats with young grandchildren included smiling (79%), waving (67%), sharing objects or images (51%) and reading to them (24%). Every one of those is something a toddler can react to.

HOW TO

What you can do starting today

  1. Swap talking for doingNo app needed

    Plan two or three things to do, not things to ask. Wave and wait for him to wave back. Play peekaboo with your hands or a dish towel. Make an animal sound and let him guess. Blow a kiss and catch his. These take a few seconds each and give him a turn every time.

    Source: Georgetown University Department of Psychology: Boomers and Zoomers, grandparents using video chat with young grandchildren (AARP Research report)

  2. Follow his lead and react to itNo app needed

    When he holds up a toy, make a big deal of it: "A red truck! Does it go fast?" If he jumps, you jump. If he claps, you clap. Ask the parent to point the camera at whatever he is busy with and talk about that, instead of calling him back to the screen. You join his play rather than asking him to stop it.

    Source: ScienceDaily (Lafayette College): Toddlers can learn from live video chat

  3. Keep a show-and-tell basket by your chairNo app needed

    A few objects that come out at every call work well: a puppet, a toy car, a ball, a picture book you read the same way each time. Seeing the same puppet call after call gives him something to look for. If you mail him a matching book or toy, you can each hold one up during the call.

  4. Let the call follow him around the roomNo app needed

    If he wanders, ask the parent to carry the phone after him and keep you in the game. On the parents' side, a tablet on a stand in the play area also helps. Apple Support says Center Stage keeps people in the frame during video calls in compatible apps, using the front camera on iPad (9th generation) or later, iPad Air (5th generation) or later, iPad mini (6th generation) or later and iPad Pro 11-inch (3rd generation) or later.

    Source: Apple Support: Use Center Stage to keep you centered in the camera frame

  5. End on a high note with the same goodbyeNo app needed

    Stop while he is still having fun, even if it has only been a few minutes. Use the same goodbye every time, like a high-five to the screen or a short song. A short call that ends happily makes the next one easier to start.

WITH SEENOW!

Doing it with seenow!

seenow! is a private family app where everyone takes a short video, about 2 seconds a day. It does not help during the call itself, but it can help between calls.

  • You can post a 2-second clip of the puppet waving or the toy car rolling across your table, so the parents can show him the same things he saw on the call.
  • The app has two main things to do, take a clip and watch clips, so it is simple to use even if video calls already feel like a lot of buttons.

What seenow! can’t do

  • seenow! does not make video calls. Keep using your usual video calling app for the calls on this page.
  • It does not keep anyone centered on camera. Framing features like Center Stage are part of the device, not seenow!.

POINT

Things to watch for in this situation

Don't measure a call by how long he stays

One minute of peekaboo with real laughs is a better call than ten minutes of a parent saying "Look, it's Grandma!" to a child who wants to leave. Count the good moments, not the minutes.

Ask the parents for the right time

Toddlers do better on calls when they are rested and fed. Let the parents pick the time of day, and be ready to cut the call short if he is having a hard day.

FAQ

Frequently asked questions

How long should a video call with a toddler grandchild be?

There is no set length. A few minutes where he is laughing and taking turns with you is a success. End while he is still enjoying it rather than holding him there.

Is it a problem if he only watches and doesn't say anything?

No. Many toddlers watch first and join in later. Waving, pointing and copying your faces are all ways of taking part, and they count.

Does video chatting actually help him know who we are?

It can. In a Lafayette College study of children ages 1 to 2, toddlers who had a week of live video chats with a partner preferred and recognized that person afterward, while those who only watched recorded videos did not.

He keeps grabbing the phone and hanging up. What can we do?

Ask a parent to hold the phone or put it on a stand out of his reach, and give him something to hold instead, like a toy that matches the one you are showing on camera.