GUIDE

We moved across the country this year, and it's our first Thanksgiving without the big family dinner back home. How do we help the kids still feel part of it?

By the seenow! teamLast updated:

Give the kids one live moment with the dinner back home, timed for both time zones, plus a job they do for the relatives before the day. Then start one small tradition that belongs to your new town, so the day is about where you live now as well as what you miss.

WHY

Why this happens

A move for work often lands a family far from the people who used to fill the house every November. Pew Research Center's survey on mobility found that 44% of adults who had moved cited job or business opportunities as a reason for choosing the community they live in now. Families who stay put, on the other hand, tend to have a crowd nearby: 40% of adults who never left their hometown said more than 10 relatives live within an hour's drive.

That is the gap your kids feel this year. Last Thanksgiving there were cousins under the table, a grandparent's pie and a football game in the yard. This year it may be four people and a smaller turkey. School-age kids notice the difference, and they also hear the adults on the phone saying how much they miss it.

The feeling does not always fade after one season. Pew found that 38% of U.S.-born adults who have lived in more than one community say the place they call home is not where they live now. Kids pick up on where their parents' "home" is. You do not have to pick one or the other. The goal for this first year is to keep a real thread to the family table and, at the same time, give the new place one good memory of its own.

HOW TO

What you can do starting today

  1. Pick one live moment with the dinner back home, not the whole mealNo app needed

    Ask the relatives which part of the day they gather for, such as grace, the turkey coming out or pie, and plan a short call for that moment. Work out the clock first. If you moved from the East Coast to the West Coast, a 4 p.m. dinner there is 1 p.m. for you, so their pie may land during your lunch. Write both times on the fridge so the kids know when to be ready.

    Source: U.S. Naval Observatory: Time Zones and Daylight Time in the United States

  2. Give the kids a job for the relatives before the dayNo app needed

    Have each child make something for one person back home: a place card with a cousin's name, a drawing for the grandparent who hosts, or a list of "three things I like about my new town." Mail them early in the week or hold them up on the call. A job turns "we're missing it" into "we're part of it."

  3. Cook one dish from the family tableNo app needed

    Ask the person who always makes the stuffing or the rolls for the recipe, and let the kids help make it. The smell of the same dish does a lot of the work. Taste-test it on the call and let the relatives judge.

  4. Start one tradition that belongs to your new placeNo app needed

    Look up what your town does that weekend: a local parade, a turkey trot fun run, a tree lighting, or a park you have not tried yet. Or invite a neighbor or a coworker's family who is also far from relatives. Keep it small and repeatable, so next year the kids can say "we always do this here."

WITH SEENOW!

Doing it with seenow!

seenow! is a family app where everyone in a private group takes a short video, about 2 seconds a day, and sees each other's clips. Across states, it can share the small moments of the holiday weekend in both kitchens.

  • Make a group with your household and the relatives back home. You can also make a separate group for your new friends in town, so each one sees only its own clips.
  • On Thanksgiving, each household posts a 2-second clip with the seenow! camera: the kids setting the table, the pie coming out of the oven. The day's clips from others open once you post your own, so the kids get to see the other table after they share theirs.
  • At the end of the week, seenow! puts the clips into a recap video automatically, which the kids can watch with the relatives on the next call.

What seenow! can’t do

  • seenow! does not make live calls. For grace or the toast, use a phone or video call.
  • It cannot post photos already saved on your phone, only ones taken with the seenow! camera.

POINT

Things to watch for in this situation

Watch what you say about home in front of the kids

If the adults spend the day saying how much better it was back home, kids hear that the new place is second best. It is fine to miss people out loud. Try to also name one thing you like about where you live now.

Leave room for a quiet day

Some kids want a big plan and some just want a slow day in pajamas after a hard fall of new schools. Ask them what they want the day to feel like before you fill it.

FAQ

Frequently asked questions

Should we fly back for Thanksgiving the first year?

It depends on cost, school and work, and there is no right answer. If you stay, tell the kids early when the next visit is planned, so this Thanksgiving is not the only thing they are waiting for.

My kids cried on the call last time. Should we skip it?

A shorter call with a clear job, like showing the place cards, often goes better than a long open one. End it while it is still fun.