GUIDE
My husband is deployed for most of our baby's first year. How can he see the small everyday changes, not just the big milestones?
By the seenow! teamLast updated:
Build updates that still work when he can't reply right away: a few seconds of video most days, a weekly roundup on a fixed day, and a baby journal you mail in pieces. Military OneSource suggests keeping a journal for you and your baby, and its New Parent Support Program offers free home visits to eligible families.
WHY
Why this happens
A baby's first year moves fast. One week it is the first real smile, the next it is rolling over, a new sound at bath time, a different way of grabbing your hair. The big milestones are easy to put in a message. The small things, like the way she kicks when the dryer starts or the face she makes at mashed peas, are what parents usually notice side by side. They are also exactly what a parent who is away misses.
Deployment makes the usual fixes harder. When and how often he can get in touch depends on his schedule and his connection, not on yours. Military OneSource tells families to plan ahead for how they will keep in touch, and to expect that children sometimes may not hear from the deployed parent for a few days. A plan that needs him to answer in real time will break on the first busy week. A plan built on things he can catch up on later holds up much better.
You are also doing this while caring for a baby mostly on your own. Whatever routine you choose has to be small enough to keep going on a hard week, when the baby is teething and you have slept four hours.
HOW TO
What you can do starting today
Film a few seconds on most days, not a highlight reelNo app needed
Short is the point. Pick one easy moment, such as after the morning bottle or during bath, and film five or ten seconds there most days. Filming in the same spot makes the changes easy to see when he watches several days in a row. If you have the energy, say one sentence while you film: "She found her feet today." That one line is often what turns a cute clip into an update.
Send a weekly roundup on the same day every weekNo app needed
Daily clips can pile up and get lost when he is offline for a while. Once a week, on a fixed day, pick the three clips that show what changed and add a few lines: new food, new sound, the nap that finally got longer. He knows Sunday means a roundup, and he can watch it whenever he next gets online. Nothing is lost if a week goes by without a reply.
Keep a baby journal and mail it in piecesNo app needed
Military OneSource's guide for deployed parents suggests keeping a journal of the deployment for you and your baby. Keep a notebook by the changing table and write the date and one line a day. Every month or so, mail a few pages or prints with a handprint or footprint. Military OneSource notes that photos, handwritten notes and children's artwork are a good way to share news from home, that mail to an APO or FPO address uses standard domestic postage, and that packages typically take about two weeks, or about five weeks during the holidays. Mail copies rather than originals, since packages sometimes get lost.
Source: Military OneSource: MilLife Guide, Parenting Through Deployment / Military OneSource: Sending a Military Care Package or Letter
Get support for yourself, tooNo app needed
The New Parent Support Program is a free, voluntary program that works mainly through home visits, with parenting education and support, plus classes and playgroups that vary by installation. Active-duty members and their spouses or partners with military medical treatment facility access can use it if they are expecting or have a child age 3 or younger (Army, Navy and Department of the Air Force) or age 5 or younger (Marine Corps). Ask at your installation, since what is offered differs from base to base.
WITH SEENOW!
Doing it with seenow!
seenow! is a private family app where everyone takes a short video, about 2 seconds a day. It fits the daily clip and weekly roundup steps, with a few limits worth knowing.
- Each clip is about 2 seconds, so you can grab one with the baby on your hip. When you post, he gets a notification and can watch it whenever he has a connection.
- At the end of each week, seenow! automatically makes a recap video from the clips, so the weekly roundup happens without any editing on your part.
- Clips from earlier days can be watched anytime. That day's clips unlock once you post your own clip that day, so on days he does not post, he can still catch up from the day before onward.
- You can keep a separate group for the two of you and another one with the grandparents, so some clips stay just between you.
What seenow! can’t do
- seenow! does not make calls or send messages. Keep using whatever channels you already have for talking.
- It needs an internet connection on his side to watch. It cannot change when or how often he can get online.
- Only clips taken with the seenow! camera can be posted. Videos already saved on your phone stay outside the app.
Core features are free.
POINT
Things to watch for in this situation
Expect the baby to need time at homecoming
Military OneSource's guide for deployed parents advises giving your baby time to get to know you and not being disappointed if the baby doesn't bond right away. Months of clips help him know the baby, but the baby may still be shy at first. That is normal, and it is worth saying out loud to each other before the day comes.
Don't turn the clips into a report card
If he misses the first steps or the first word live, that is not a failure on anyone's part. The goal is a steady picture of everyday life, not proof that every milestone was captured. Some days the only clip is the baby asleep, and that is fine.
FAQ
Frequently asked questions
How can he keep up if he can only get online now and then?
Choose a way of sharing where updates wait for him instead of disappearing, and add a weekly roundup on a fixed day. Then a gap of a few days just means he has a little more to watch when he is back.
How long does a care package take to reach an APO or FPO address?
Military OneSource says packages typically take about two weeks, and to allow about five weeks during the holidays. Mail to APO and FPO addresses uses standard domestic postage. Ask at the post office whether your package needs a customs form.
Can I get help as a new parent while my spouse is deployed?
If you are eligible, the New Parent Support Program offers free home visits, parenting classes and playgroups. Military OneSource and your installation's Military and Family Support Center can tell you what is offered where you live.