GUIDE

My leave ended and my baby just started daycare. What if she takes her first steps there and I miss it?

By the seenow! teamLast updated:

Decide now whether you want daycare to tell you about firsts, and say so at drop-off, because centers handle this differently. Then treat the first time you see it as your first, and keep a short record of it. You will still miss some moments, but you won't hear about them by accident.

WHY

Why this happens

Going back to work while your baby is still under a year old is common in the U.S. In the Bureau of Labor Statistics' 2025 data, 61.9% of mothers whose youngest child was under 1 were in the labor force. For reference, the Department of Labor says the Family and Medical Leave Act gives eligible employees up to 12 workweeks of unpaid, job-protected leave in a 12-month period, including for the birth of a child and caring for the newborn within the first year. Whatever leave you had, the first months of daycare land in a year full of new things.

That is why the fear is so specific. A baby spends many waking weekday hours with caregivers, and something big could happen on any of them. Parents in online forums describe hearing about first steps casually at pickup and feeling a pang, while others say their center made a point of not mentioning firsts at all so the parents could have them at home.

Neither approach is wrong. Some caregivers are trained to keep firsts to themselves; others take a photo or write it in the daily notes. The part that hurts most is usually not the missed moment but being surprised by it. You can control that part.

HOW TO

What you can do starting today

  1. Tell daycare what you want to hearNo app needed

    At drop-off or in a short note, tell the lead caregiver your preference. Some parents want to know right away, with a photo if possible. Others would rather the teachers say nothing and let them discover it at home. Both are reasonable requests, and caregivers can only follow a preference they know about. If your partner feels differently, settle it between you first.

  2. Make the pickup conversation a habitNo app needed

    Child care resource agencies suggest a simple two-way routine: in the morning, tell the provider how your baby's night and morning went; at pickup, ask how the day went, including naps and meals. A minute each way keeps you up to date on small changes, so a big one is less likely to come out of nowhere.

    Source: Choices Child Care Resource & Referral (West Virginia): Communicating with Your Child Care Provider

  3. Count the first time you see it as your firstNo app needed

    Some families agree that "first steps" means the first steps they see. If a caregiver mentions something new, you can still be there for the first time at home, and that is the one you will remember and tell the grandparents about. Decide this ahead of time so the moment does not feel second-hand.

  4. Keep a one-line record at homeNo app needed

    Keep a note on your phone or a page on the fridge: the date, what happened, where you were. "Nov 14, kitchen, three steps to Dad." It takes ten seconds and becomes the record you look back on, whoever saw it first.

WITH SEENOW!

Doing it with seenow!

seenow! is a family app built around a short video, about 2 seconds a day, shared in a private group. Its Daycare note feature fits this situation, along with the daily clips.

  • Daycare note drafts a note for daycare from the photos and videos you take, so you can let the caregivers know what your baby did at home, such as "pulled up on the couch all evening." Telling them what is happening at home makes the pickup conversation run both ways.
  • A 2-second clip with the seenow! camera on most evenings captures small changes at home. Only the family members you invite can see them, so grandparents can follow along too.

What seenow! can’t do

  • Daycare staff do not post in your seenow! group, and photos daycare sends you cannot be added. Only photos and videos taken with the seenow! camera can be posted.
  • seenow! cannot tell you whether a first happened at daycare. Only your caregivers can, so the conversation in the first step still matters.

POINT

Things to watch for in this situation

Respect the center's policy

Some centers have a set policy on what staff share about firsts, and individual teachers may not be able to change it. If the policy differs from what you want, ask the director how they handle it rather than putting a teacher on the spot.

Decide what the grandparents hear, and from whom

Grandparents often ask "Is she walking yet?" on every call. If you have asked daycare to say nothing, agree on who tells the grandparents when it happens at home, so the news comes from you and not from a passing comment.

FAQ

Frequently asked questions

Is it strange to ask daycare not to tell us?

No. It is a common request, and parents in forums describe caregivers who already do this on purpose. Just ask clearly and early, before the moment comes.

Should I ask daycare to film it if it happens?

You can ask, but caregivers are looking after several babies at once and may not have a camera ready. A request to simply tell you, or to say nothing, is easier for them to keep.

What if my partner and I disagree?

Pick one shared answer before you talk to daycare. Two different requests from two parents are hard for caregivers to follow.