GUIDE

My son just started kindergarten, and every time I ask about his day he says "nothing." How do I find out what his days are like?

By the seenow! teamLast updated:

A full kindergarten day is long, and "How was your day?" asks a five-year-old to sum up all of it. Ask about one small, specific thing instead, start from something you can see, such as a drawing in his backpack, and tell him about your day first. Snack time and dinner usually work better than the car door.

WHY

Why this happens

For years you knew most of your child's day. You saw who he played with at preschool pickup, you heard the daycare teacher's notes, or he was home with you. Kindergarten changes that. Most of his waking hours on weekdays now happen somewhere you cannot see, with people you barely know, and the only report you get is one word.

The day really is long. In NCES's Condition of Education 2020, 81% of 3- to 5-year-old kindergarten students attended full-day programs in 2018, up from 60% in 2000. An older NCES survey of public schools, for the 2007-08 school year, put the average school day at 6.64 hours, over a 180-day year. That is a lot of hours, transitions and new faces for a five-year-old to hold in his head.

So "nothing" usually does not mean nothing happened. It often means the question is too big, he is tired, or the best parts have already faded by the time he is buckled into the car seat. Kids often talk more when the question is small and specific, when they have had a snack and a break, and when the grown-up shares first.

HOW TO

What you can do starting today

  1. Wait for snack time, then ask about one small thingNo app needed

    Texas A&M AgriLife Extension's Dinner Tonight program suggests after-school snack time as a natural moment for kids to debrief. Skip "How was your day?" and try one narrow question: "Who did you sit next to at lunch?" or "What did you build at centers?" One small answer often leads to the next.

    Source: Texas A&M AgriLife Extension, Dinner Tonight: Conversation Starters After School

  2. Start from something you can seeNo app needed

    The same guidance recommends opening with a factual observation, because questions that come out of nowhere are hard to answer. Look in the backpack together. A painting, a sticker on his shirt or a note from the teacher is a starting point: "This has a lot of blue. What were you making?"

    Source: Texas A&M AgriLife Extension, Dinner Tonight: Conversation Starters After School

  3. Tell him about your day firstNo app needed

    Sharing something about yourself invites a child to answer in kind. Keep it at his level: "I had a long meeting and I was so hungry by lunch. What did you have for lunch?" It also shows him what telling someone about your day sounds like.

    Source: Texas A&M AgriLife Extension, Dinner Tonight: Conversation Starters After School

  4. Play school and let him be the teacherNo app needed

    Many kindergartners will not describe the classroom but will happily act it out. Ask him to be the teacher and line up stuffed animals as the class. You may hear the morning song, the rule about raising hands and the name of the kid who always wants to go first, details he would never put into words if you asked directly.

WITH SEENOW!

Doing it with seenow!

seenow! is a family app for short videos, about 2 seconds a day, shared in a private group. It cannot show you the classroom, but it can give your family more of the edges of his day to talk about.

  • Take a 2-second clip at the moments you do share with him: the walk to the bus, the first minute after pickup, the snack on the counter. Over a week those small clips add up to a picture of his new routine.
  • Post your own clips too, from your workday or your errands. When he sees what you did, it is easier for him to tell you what he did, the same idea as sharing first.
  • Make a separate group for the grandparents if you like, and invite only the people you choose. At the end of the week, seenow! builds a recap video on its own, which can be a good thing to watch together at Friday dinner and ask, "What happened that day?"

What seenow! can’t do

  • seenow! does not show you what happens at school. It only has the clips your family takes, so the conversation still matters most.
  • Only photos and videos taken with the seenow! camera can be posted. Pictures already on your phone cannot be added.

POINT

Things to watch for in this situation

Do not turn pickup into an interview

A string of questions the moment he climbs into the car can make him shut down. Give him the drive to rest. If he starts talking on his own, listen and let him finish before you ask anything else.

Keep your clips to your own family

When you take a clip at drop-off or pickup, keep other children out of the frame. Your family wants to see your son, and other parents may not want their kids in someone else's videos.

FAQ

Frequently asked questions

Is it normal for a kindergartner not to talk about school?

Many young children give one-word answers about school, especially in the first months. Smaller questions, a snack first and hearing about your day often bring out more.

How long is a kindergarten day?

It depends on your school district, so check the school's schedule. Nationally, NCES reported that 81% of 3- to 5-year-old kindergarten students attended full-day programs in 2018.

Should I ask the teacher instead?

A short check-in with the teacher can tell you how he is settling in. For everyday moments, though, the best source is still him, and he will open up more as he gets used to the routine.