GUIDE

I just started driving over the road and I'm gone for weeks. My little ones ask on every call when I'm coming home. How do I answer?

By the seenow! teamLast updated:

Give young kids an answer they can see, not a date: a paper chain or calendar at home with one link or square per night, and a map where they find where you are. Keep calls at the same time every day you can, and leave short recorded messages for the nights you can't.

WHY

Why this happens

Over-the-road driving is built around long stretches away. The Bureau of Labor Statistics describes long-haul driving as a lifestyle choice because drivers can be away from home for days or weeks at a time, much of it alone, and notes that truck drivers often work nights, weekends and holidays. A federal survey of long-haul drivers from 2010 gives a sense of scale: nearly 45% had slept at home only 1 to 6 days in the past month, and 18% had not slept at home at all in that month.

For a preschooler, "two more weeks" or "the 21st" means very little. What they understand is now, tonight and tomorrow. So every call becomes "When are you coming home?", not because the answer was unclear last time, but because they cannot hold on to it. Being asked the same question every night is hard on the parent on the road, and the parent at home hears it at bedtime too.

Kids ask less when the answer lives somewhere they can check without you. The goal of the steps below is to move the countdown out of the phone call and into the house.

HOW TO

What you can do starting today

  1. Turn the trip into something they can countNo app needed

    Before you leave, make a paper chain with one link for each night you expect to be gone, or mark the nights on a big wall calendar with a picture of you on your home day. Each night at bedtime, the kids tear off a link or cross off a square with the parent at home. When they ask on the phone, the answer becomes "How many links are left?" and they get to tell you.

  2. Put a map on the wall and find you every nightNo app needed

    A road map of the U.S. on the wall, with a sticker or pin where you are tonight, makes the trip real. Tell them the name of the state or town on your call and let them place the sticker. Over a few weeks, they can see the route you drove. A postcard mailed from a stop along the way adds something they can hold.

  3. Call at the same time, and keep it shortNo app needed

    Pick one time that works with your off-duty hours and the kids' routine, such as just before their bedtime, and keep to it on the days you can. Remember that you may be in a different time zone from home. A few minutes of a predictable call usually goes better than a long, unpredictable one. Ask them about one thing from their day instead of "What did you do today?"

  4. Leave recorded messages for the nights you can't callNo app needed

    Some nights a call will not happen. Before the trip, record a few short "goodnight" videos, or a favorite book read aloud, and leave them with the parent at home. On a night you can't call, the kids still hear your voice at bedtime, and nobody has to explain why the phone did not ring.

WITH SEENOW!

Doing it with seenow!

seenow! is a family app where everyone in a private group takes a short video, about 2 seconds a day, and sees each other's clips. It works well for the "what happened today" part, whenever your schedule allows.

  • The kids, with the parent at home, take a 2-second clip each day with the seenow! camera: the paper chain getting shorter, a new drawing, dinner. You get a notification and can watch when you are off duty.
  • When you have stopped for the day, post your own clip of where you are, a sunset or the sign of the town. That day's clips from everyone unlock once you post your own, so posting yours also opens theirs.
  • seenow! makes a recap video from the week's clips automatically. "One more recap and Daddy's home" can be a countdown the kids watch together.

What seenow! can’t do

  • seenow! does not make phone or video calls, and it does not share your location. Keep the call and the wall map for those.
  • It cannot tell you or the kids when you will be home. Only your schedule can, and that can change.

POINT

Things to watch for in this situation

Give a window, not a promise

Home time can shift with loads and schedules. Tell kids "about this many sleeps" and move the paper chain together if it changes, rather than naming an exact day you may have to take back.

Support the parent at home

The parent at home answers "When is Daddy coming?" many more times than you do. Agree on the same words to use, and check in with them on the call too, not only with the kids.

FAQ

Frequently asked questions

Should I tell them exactly when I'm leaving and coming back?

Tell them clearly when you are leaving, and give the return as a count of nights rather than a date. If the plan changes, update the chain together on your next call.

Is it better to call less if every call ends in tears?

Not usually. A short call at a steady time, ending with something routine like the same goodnight phrase, is can be easier on young kids than skipping calls. If bedtime calls are hard, try a call earlier in the evening.