GUIDE
We make almost every trip to see my parents, hours away with a preschooler, and they rarely come to us. How do we make the visits less one-sided and less exhausting?
By the seenow! teamLast updated:
Treat it as a planning problem. Map out the year's visits together, ask for one trip in your direction with the hard parts handled for them, try meeting halfway, and make your own trips lighter with a two-day drive or a flight packed around TSA's rules for kids.
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WHY
Why this happens
When grandparents live a long drive or a flight away, the traveling often falls to one side by default. You have the flexible weekends, or they have the bigger house, or the first visit after the baby set a pattern nobody revisited. A few years later you are loading a preschooler, a car seat and a week of snacks into the car again, and the grandparents have seen your home only in photos.
There are often practical reasons on their side, too. Pew Research Center reports that American grandparents averaged six grandchildren in 2022-2023, and a third had seven or more, who may live in several different households. The average grandparent was 68 in 2024, and their calendar may be fuller than it looks from your side. None of that makes your trips shorter, but it helps to frame the conversation around logistics rather than effort.
That's the approach here: look at the whole year's travel, ask for specific help where it's realistic, and cut the work out of the trips you do make.
| What | TSA says |
|---|---|
| Shoes | Children 12 and under can keep shoes, light jackets and headwear on |
| Drinks and snacks | Formula, breast milk, toddler drinks and baby or toddler food over 3.4 oz are allowed in carry-ons; tell the officer at the start |
| Car seat and stroller | Go through the X-ray; carry your child through the walk-through detector |
Source: TSA: Traveling with children
HOW TO
What you can do starting today
Put the whole year on one calendarNo app needed
Sit down with your partner and list every planned visit for the next 12 months: holidays, birthdays, summer break. Seeing it written out turns a vague feeling into a simple, practical question: "We have five trips on here. Could one of them happen at our place?" Share the list with your parents by phone or email early, so they can plan around their other grandchildren.
Ask for one trip, with the hard parts handledNo app needed
Find out what makes the trip hard for them. If it's the drive, suggest flying and offer to help book it. If it's where to stay, set up the guest room or find a hotel near you. If it's cost, consider whether you can split it. One concrete, well-prepared invitation, such as your child's birthday or a school event, is easier to say yes to than an open "come anytime."
Try meeting halfwayNo app needed
Look for a town, lake or state park roughly in the middle and plan a long weekend there. Each side drives half as far, the preschooler gets a short adventure, and nobody has to host. It can also become a yearly tradition that the grandparents look forward to planning.
Make your own trips lighterNo app needed
If you drive, consider splitting a very long trip over two days with an overnight stop, and plan driving time around your child's nap. If you fly, use TSA's rules for kids: preschoolers keep their shoes on, toddler drinks and snacks over 3.4 ounces are allowed in your carry-on, and the car seat goes through the X-ray, so leave time for that. Pack one small bag of toys that only comes out on travel days.
Source: TSA: Traveling with children
Keep the in-between time light
Long video calls with a 4-year-old can be hard work for everyone. Short, frequent glimpses of everyday life often keep grandparents closer between visits, and make the next visit start from familiar ground. See the seenow! section below for one way to do that.
WITH SEENOW!
Doing it with seenow!
seenow! can't change who drives where, but it can make the weeks between trips feel shorter.
- Each family member shoots short 2-second clips of their day, and everyone in the group can watch them. Your parents see the preschooler's everyday life, and your child sees Grandma's garden or Grandpa's morning walk.
- To see the group's posts from today, each person posts their own clip first; earlier days are always open. That nudges the grandparents to share their side too.
- It works on both iPhone and Android, so it doesn't matter which phones your parents use.
What seenow! can’t do
- seenow! doesn't plan or book trips, and short clips don't replace time together. They only keep the gap between visits smaller.
Core features are free.
POINT
Things to watch for in this situation
Keep the conversation about logistics
If the topic feels sensitive, stick to dates, distances and what would make a trip easier for them. Specific plans are easier to discuss than how often each side visits.
TSA rules can change
Check TSA's page on traveling with children before each flight, since screening rules are updated from time to time.
FAQ
Frequently asked questions
Are video calls enough for grandparents?
They help, but with preschoolers they work best short and regular. Many families mix brief calls with photos or clips during the week and save longer time for visits.
How often should grandparents visit us?
There is no standard. What matters is a pattern both sides can sustain, and a yearly calendar makes it easier to agree on one.